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Jokes On Celtic
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Jokes On Celtic


Q.> How do you get a Celtic fan to stand up?
A.>Say "will the defendant please stand"

Q.>Whats the difference between a Celtic Supporters bus and a hedgehog?
A.>With the hegehog , the pricks are on the outside

A Celtic fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Green and white top. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Celtic fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Celtic fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Celtic supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your thirty quid back, now fuck off".

Q.>What do Celtic and a 3 pin plug have in common ?
A.>They are both useless in europe

Q.>What does parkhead and the moon have in common
A.>They both have no atmosphere

Q.>What do Rab Dougles and Micheal Jackson have in COMMON
A.>They both wear gloves for NO OBVIOUS reason

Q.>Why is it a Gay Mans lifetime ambition to play in goals for celtic?
A.>Cause he would have 10 arseholes in front of him + 60,000 pricks behind him

A Rangers fan and a Celtic fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There totally wrecked, but fortunately we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends putting our differences behind us."The Rangers fan replied," I agree with you completely, this must indeed be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."Then he hands the bottle to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan.

The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Rangers fan grins and then replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."